The Times They Are A Changin'

Summer, for the past three years its consisted of pretty much the same thing; hanging out, random adventures, wasting time, band, vacations, you know, the usual summer stuff. This summer hasn't been much different, but it sure feels way different than any other one. It didn't hit me at Graduation, High School was over and we were all caught up in celebrating 4 years of hard work. It didn't hit me at Grad Nite that this night would be the last time I'd ever see people that I had shared the same "home" with for 4 years. Its crazy if you take the time to think about it. After going to my college orientation, I realized, this is where I'm going to spend the next 4 years of life. A new place, new people, starting completely fresh. It's like being a painter. 4 years ago you got a blank canvas, and each year you painted or added things youve done, things you've accomplished, and all your countless memories. Fast forward to now, and now someone says great, now start this one. Thanks Melinda Ching, when you mentioned this "canvas" thing during your speech at Grad it totally caught my attention. I'm bummed to see alot of friends go, 2 of my best friends are leaving in two and three days, and a ton of people are leaving really soon too. I really wish I could have kept some friendships more intact, I'm sorry for taking a few granted...

But life is life right? Well, I am really excited for college. Props to all the staffers and planners at SPOP, it has really made me excited to be an Anteater. At the same time though I am just as nervous as I am excited. What I'm most nervous about is just the whole academic part and really finding what I want to do in life. I've heard stories of people, who seemed destined to do one thing but end up doing another. People gifted in the field of science, who make calculating this or computing this seem like a piece of cake, but who are passionate about things like social issues, or art and music. I just need to find my own balance of being practical, what I'm passionate about and what I enjoy doing. I've heard it everywhere, balance is key.

Anyways, before I started writing I remembered a scene from the movie Watchmen to the song The Times They Are A Changin, and it could totally relate to how I see this current time in my life. Things are going to change alot in the next few months, weeks, days, part of it good part of it not so good, but they are all things I'm willing to accept and embrace.

Heres the link to that one portion of the movie. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p2hNhM3dHB4

Saudade

Lately, I've become a pretty big fan of youtube. I swear, you can find anything on there. One of the subscriptions I have is to the username AndanteLargo. He's this classical guitar player, who posts a bunch of compositions and covers he's done, and they are downright some of the most beautiful things I've ever heard, like in my life. My favorite one by him is 'While You Were Sleeping'. Another one that really caught my attention was 'For My Love'. I like to read the comments on alot of the videos I watch, and I came across this one that had mentioned the word 'saudade'. I'm not 100% right, but I think it's a portugese word that means like, a mix betwen happiness and sadness, kinda melancholy. It was crazy cause thats exactly the kinda vibe I felt from just listening to the music. The guy who commented it related it to how you can think of something in the past that made you so happy but now it feels like you can never have it back, but theres still some hope that it will return. haha i dont mean to sound so dramatic or serious or anything, but it seems like a deep word when you can relate it to that music.
And now, I feel like I can personally relate to 'saudade'. I've come to realize, with the help and concern of others, that the way things are now are really different. Change is inevitable, but I'm really hoping that this whole thing is just a phase..Senior year has definitely taken by surprise. I think back to all the times in the past, everyone was so close, things felt so secure. When senior year started, i expected things to get even better, but what happened, or is happening is like a complete 180 degrees on the dial. im sorry for the times i didnt put the effort in to work against this 'phase'..i don't want this to become a thing where i look back and feel like its gone for good..
Today was the first day I actually started college apps. I still can't believe this is my last year of highschool..I'm so excited for it yet so nervous..well, i guess thats all for now.