Saudade

Lately, I've become a pretty big fan of youtube. I swear, you can find anything on there. One of the subscriptions I have is to the username AndanteLargo. He's this classical guitar player, who posts a bunch of compositions and covers he's done, and they are downright some of the most beautiful things I've ever heard, like in my life. My favorite one by him is 'While You Were Sleeping'. Another one that really caught my attention was 'For My Love'. I like to read the comments on alot of the videos I watch, and I came across this one that had mentioned the word 'saudade'. I'm not 100% right, but I think it's a portugese word that means like, a mix betwen happiness and sadness, kinda melancholy. It was crazy cause thats exactly the kinda vibe I felt from just listening to the music. The guy who commented it related it to how you can think of something in the past that made you so happy but now it feels like you can never have it back, but theres still some hope that it will return. haha i dont mean to sound so dramatic or serious or anything, but it seems like a deep word when you can relate it to that music.
And now, I feel like I can personally relate to 'saudade'. I've come to realize, with the help and concern of others, that the way things are now are really different. Change is inevitable, but I'm really hoping that this whole thing is just a phase..Senior year has definitely taken by surprise. I think back to all the times in the past, everyone was so close, things felt so secure. When senior year started, i expected things to get even better, but what happened, or is happening is like a complete 180 degrees on the dial. im sorry for the times i didnt put the effort in to work against this 'phase'..i don't want this to become a thing where i look back and feel like its gone for good..
Today was the first day I actually started college apps. I still can't believe this is my last year of highschool..I'm so excited for it yet so nervous..well, i guess thats all for now.

First One of the School Year

So senior year has started, and let me say...it has been amazing for the most part. Band camp went super well, all of my teachers are sick as hell (Calver Lafferty and Hizal ftw!), and it just feels good to be a senior. The only downfall to it, which i think is a pretty bad one too, is that i just hardly see everyone now. Everyone seems so busy, i miss a bunch of my friends, but i know that it'll get better.

anyways, i wanted to focus on this seminar we had in bandcamp with Dave Kuns. Dave Kuns is a band director/motivational speaker. he's been coming to Mt. Carmel for pretty much the past 16 years, and he has truly made a difference in my life. He's taught a lot of people so many things, and I think he's helped many people widen their perspective of things not just in band, but in life. One thing he said is that if you know you have to do it, you might as well want to do it. When you want to do something, youre so much more likely to succeed and have fun doing it. It ties in pretty well with the feeling of fear and excitement. He really made me realize, that the two feelings feel exactly the same, but the only thing different is your mindset. If you're scared to do something, you might as well be excited to do it. I remember being scared about so many things; auditions, performances, presentations, speeches, or even like talking to that cute girl haha. And i've realized everytime i turned got into the mindset of being excited rather than scared, the outcome has been better than what i had thought it would be. Everythings in the mind...mind games haha. he also made me realize just how fast time goes by, he went on saying how the seniors now will be putting on their uniforms for the last time soon, and doing everything for their last time soon. it just made me think like, im a ****ing senior. thats so ridiculous. it just amazes me. each day that goes by just means that theres one day less of highschool, forever. haha crazy.

well we're about into the first full week of school and its friday tomorow, i cant wait for the weekend. it feels good to be in school again, as weird as that may sound.

peace, love, one.

Three-Fold Utopian Dream

It's pretty early in the morning, so I thought I'd make a random post. Incubus is such a good band. I've been listening to a lot of their stuff lately, and there's this one song that I can't seem to stop listening to. I Miss You - Incubus. I'm really hoping that during my last year of highschool, I'll be able to perform it with someone. Bomb-ass song haha. What a random post.

To see you when I wake up

Is a gift I didn't think could be real

To know that you feel the same as I do

Is a three-fold, utopian dream

You do something to me that I can´t explain

So would I be out of line if i said

I miss you

I see your picture

I smell your skin on the empty pillow next to mine

You have only been gone ten days

But already I´m wasting away

I know I´ll see you again

Whether far or soon

But I need you to know that I care

And I miss you

Anyways, let's all try to increase the peace yeah...

Getaway

So today, 4th of July..LAST RB Parade ever! It was kinda sad actually, knowing that it's the beginning of the end. The parade was about the same as any year, ended up being hot and sweaty as usual. Go Monica Riturban! After the parade, I went over to the Mira Mesa Rec Center. Did the usual, hang out with friends, watch the b-boys/b-girls break it down at the Gazebo, and of course the fireworks. During a break from the dancing, the stage was set for this one emcee, and this kinda leads to what im talking about in this blog..


The emcee performed a pretty dope piece, I don't remember his name but he deserves some props. The main idea he talked about was a getaway. Everyone has their own getaway, something they do to pretty much let themselves go. Everyone can relate to it, pretty much the getaway is like a creative outlet. After reminiscing about the day, I realized how many "getaways" I saw. I remember seeing Geoff and Nathan skate with a couple other dudes. It was crazy just seeing what they can do with a skateboard alone, but I thought about it more and how it was a way for them to express themselves. It's like the dopest thing ever, to see people who are passionate about what they do and see them just totally tear it up know what im saying?Dancing too..seeing the music you hear through the movements the person is making. Its crazy, seeing something you hear, two different things but they connect somehow . I remember watching an interview with the Jabbawockeez, and Joe was freestyling for the interviewers while Kevin was talking about it. Kevin said how it like "stimulated two of the senses"- sight and sound. It was definitely dope seeing people dance at the gazebo. Its a blessing that we're able to have these things to use as our getaway. A getaway to happiness, a way to just express ourselves. haha i hope this is all making sense to you.


Speaking of a getaway on different terms, someone please take me to Tokyo! Get me out of this place! Only temporarily though..

today is a gift

so its summertime, and its been a long time since ive blogged. thank you alejah tabula for reminding me that i had this haha. i dont even know where to start.. summer is almost halfway done i think, im just going by summerschool since first semester ends next week. its been pretty fun so far, ive been out like everyday. Del Mar Fair for the first time in a couple years was dope, and the dancing was sick! all ya'll dancers make me super jealous haha. theres still alot of things i want to do before summer ends. i wanna explore san diego so bad, but the gas prices are holdin me back. i wanna go to a live show, MAH is on july 12th maybe maybe..john west last year was dope! or was that two i dont remember. being out pretty much everyday is nice, a getaway from the house and time to just chill, do whatever. one thing im looking forward to is (dont laugh..) is band camp. i dont care if you think im a band nerd, but its crazy knowing that im about to start my last year for something that ive committed to for a long time. its all went by fast but its already the beginning of the end. being bandpres/section leader, and a SENIOR (wth already), im so determined to live up this last year and go all out. that applies to pretty much everything else i do like school, fil am, airbands, pcn, i know im missing out other stuff.

anways, today i watched kung fu panda. it was a dope ass movie! super funny jokes and like i thought it had a good lesson. just believe in yourself and believe in things. haha i know that sounds like some fairytale bullshit but in alot of cases its true, its something to start off with, a place to begin. haha but yeah. all you gotta do is believe haha. im not tryna be super deep here or anything but yeah. another random thing, lately i went to the airport randomly with some people, and i got this feeling of wanting to get away. getting away i mean traveling. ive been wanting to travel to tokyo for sooo long. its gotten to the point where ive been thinking about studying abroad for maybe a year or so or going there after college or something. i just wanna experience new things, and go to my dream vacation of course. man, endless mochi, sushi, cool technology, i cant even start to list the things i wanna go see and stuff haha. that reminds me, studying abroad means college. i havent really thought about college that much. i really wanna figure out what i wanna do when im older, but i guess it just takes time. haha what a pointless blog.. but ill leave it with a regular but good quote from Kung Fu Panda haha..


"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present”

Home Stretch

So we're all finally heading down home stretch, school is basically done. It's so crazy just how fast schools going by. I remember coming into highschool saying "Am I really here? I can't believe I'm a highschooler", and its like a cut-scene from a movie to the present where I find myself saying "Is junior year already over? I can't believe I'm gonna be a senior..." Haha. Well these last couple days are going to be very packed. Theres a bunch of things like Band Banquet, Dance of the Decades, Fil Am Banquet, Finals, and Junior Speech. And just recently was PROM!


Escape to Paradise at the ZOO! and at Nikkis house too. No doubt one of the best weekends I've ever had in my life. Thank you to Christine for being a wonderful date! And another thank you to Nikki Endozo for letting us stay at her house, always a good time there. And Good Job to the Prom Committee for making Prom this year bomb as fuck. seriously. haha dinner at PF Changs was pretty dope too and La Jolla Cove was lookin amazing till it got dark. One thing that was super fun was pretty much racing to PF Changs, and going like 100 on the way to Nikkis house.


With summer coming up, theres alot of things I'd like to do. Possibly get a summer job, who doesnt want to make some bank? Having some money to spend would make summer alot more enjoyable i think. More gas money especially (4.25 a gallon? are you kidding?!). WARPED TOUR! Ive only been once, but it was super crazy the last time I went. Del Mar Fair. Beach it up. Road Trip? Las Vegas? Explore San Diego. Summer Assignments -_-. Make some music. Record. Work on the car. Im really looking forward to summer this year. The whole summer vibe has already taken over.


Well this blog was mainly a blog of random thoughts because I havent blogged in a while.

It's late at night and...

I got some random thoughts again. First, I just wanted to say wow. AP Testing is finally over! It ended like a day ago but I used the other time to just freaking relax and not try in school haha. AP testing day was definitely one of the longest days of my life. I dont think I've ever done anything in a day that amounts to 8 hours of sitting, 200 multiple choice questions, and 12 essays. It was pretty funny how the APEL and AP Art Test landed on the same day, since so many people were taking both courses. Also, the fact that all 4 periods, about 91 people, of the AP Art classes were shoved into one classroom. Anyways, everyone was so happy once all the tests were over. Go everyone! Now, its just time to finish everything else in the other classes, gotta finish strong, and once thats done, I'll be a Senior...

May 18, 2008


Now its pretty early in the morning, about 630. Last night was Westviews Prom, "A Walk on the Wild Side..." at Petco Park. Thank you Felice for taking me as your date! Hm so where should I start..Well the day started out with the usual new haircut, pickup things like clothes, corsage, etc. Once ready, everyone met at Candies House, then Westview to take pictures. Back at Candies, our "bus" picked us up haha. Since our bus was owned by Deja Vu, some strip club company, there were other similar company names along the top of the bus. On the back, there was a picture of a half naked girl, with the words "Follow Me..." near her mouth. And on both sides, there were pictures of lifesize people looking into the windows of the bus. Haha I honestly think it was kind of funny how we ended up with the bus. One of Candies neighbors was outside, with the most pleasant smile looking at the bus haha. Dinner was at Tom Ham's Lighthouse. The food was pretty good, I had Tropical Isle Chicken. The wait for the food took quite a while, and the menu was pretty pricy, most items were $20+. The service was pretty good though, I swear I had my water glass refilled like after every time I took a sip haha. Now it's time for the dance. The whole layout was pretty cool, the dance was on the rooftop balconies, and on the floor under that was a "casino" like place and they had a bunch of pretty good snacks. The DJ in my opinion was aiiight. And the dance flooor was like way too small, there was barely any room to really dance, and as my friend put it, it really just looked like a giant "humpfest". But it was fun overall for sure. The DJ though, had to diss Mt. Carmel a couple times; "Y'all party harder than folks at Mt. Carmel" "Man, alla ya'll dance better than Mt. Carmel". Like what the? haha whatever, I know it was another schools prom but yeah you know what Im saying. Being a Mt. Carmel-ian, of course I'd think that was wack haha. So after the dance, pretty much just went to Candies, Alvaros, then peaced out. Pretty fun day, hot as hell though...


signing off...

Confirmation / The Beautiful Struggle

Congratulations to all those who have been confirmed! I'm finally confirmed, and it feels good. I definitely feel uplifted inside, and closer to the G-man himself. It still amazes me how fast the whole process has gone by. I even remember sitting through my sisters confirmation, seeing her be confirmed, which was years ago, and just a few day ago I got confirmed. The bishop brought up something that really caught my attention. He talked about life and love and how theres nothing better in life than to have loving relationships with people and maintaining them. In my mind as he said those words, there were a million faces that came up, all from my family and friends and those who I care so much about. And I think the bishop is completely right, I mean, I dont think I could ask for ANYTHING else in the world than to keep the relationships I have with the people I love and care about. It made me realize how my family and friends shape who i am. I couldnt picture life without them. Confirmations really taught me alot about myself and other people, and remind me how grateful I should be. Thank You for everyone who came to support all the Confirmation-ees, thank you to everyone in my life, family and friends, i love you, especially my mother since its Mothers Day.



As for PCN 2008 "The Beautiful Struggle", Major props to everyone who was involved in every way and a major thanks to all those who supported. It definitely was alot of hard work for everyone, but we ended with success yee! It's definitely crazy how this was my 3rd PCN, leaving only one more to go. Crazy how fast time goes by. I was happy when I my parents told me they enjoyed the show, and that my sister told me it wasn't a typical PCN. I cannot wait to see the PCN dvd, and also for Fil-Am Banquet!



...everyone has a purpose, nobody is not loved...

4:29

There's been a lot that has been running through my mind, so maybe if I spill some of my brains here, there'll be more room for other things!

The majority of my thoughts, and unfortunately my stress, comes from school. I swear, everything couldn't have picked any other time of the year to bother me haha. For one thing, both my AP tests are on the same day. That means I'll be writing about 12....yes 12 essays, 3 for APEL and about 9 for AP Art. Another thing that scares me is my first SAT this Saturday. Im surprised I haven't really taken the time to really review for it. Theres not much I can do in the next 4 days to significantly change how I do, so I'll willingly accept how I do. Finals are coming up too, but one good thing I can say is Junior Paper is over! I can't wait for this school year to be over, but in another sense I wish it wouldn't end because so many people I look up to are leaving, and I can't wrap my head around that I'm almost a senior....

Another thing thats been on my mind is what I wanna major in, or just do in the future. Architecture and Engineering seem so interesting, itll probably be the path I take. AP Art and for those of you who know him, Mr. Currie, his Dream Home/Building project probably influenced me the most. Lately though, the thought of doing something with music keeps coming back to me. I think it would be soo sick, to work in a studio, make music, make beats, record people, and just play music. Since music is like my first love, I don't think I'd ever get tired of it. Band, this year especially, has allowed my passion for music to grow. I also remember going to Studio West (not the dance place) for my Career Day in 8th Grade. It was pretty cool, cause Blink-182 has recorded there! and so has Get Back Loretta, which is a pretty cool thing I would say. Basically, we learned how to record a band, work some of the equipment, and we even got to be on a track the workers there made! I played some percussion instrument, like, a shaker or something haha. That still would be so dope though, be like the Neptunes or something haha I wish.. Well I'll leave things there for now. till then...

For You Know Who..

Hey yo, Hey yo, put your hands in the

Air, girl you're lookin' good can I

Stare, I don't mean no harm

So lets keep rockin' till the break of dawn...

Freedom Writers are back....check out Mt. Carmel Fil-Ams PCN 2008 May 8th and 10th

On a National Level

The trip to Indianapolis this year for Wind Ensemble I had to be one of the most impacting experiences in my life. When most people hear about Indianapolis, they think of Peyton Manning and the Indianapolis Colts or NASCAR or whatever. But every year, Indianapolis is the center for the Music for All National Honor Band Festival. In a nutshell, this is pretty much where say, the top 12 Highschool Wind Ensembles and Orchestras from all over the nation perform for " the best of the best". There also are performances by the National Honor Band, Honor Orchestra, and Honor Jazz Band which consists of the best highschool players in the nation. It's pretty badass that Mt. Carmels Wind Ensemble was invited to go, and also that 4 people from our very own Wind Ensemble made it into the Honor Orchestra. BigUps to Scotty, Steven, Matt, and Melanie. Now I guess I'll just talk about different things on the trip.

First of all, being in a place where like EVERYONE around you has a passion for music was just crazy. We had "Master Classes" with professional players. We pretty much got alot of tips and advice on how to become a better musician. We also got to watch the Indianapolis Symphony Orchestra (ISO) play and rehearse. Up until this moment, I never thought I would enjoy listening to a live orchestra play. It really gives you this indescribable feeling inside. It's like you can feel the emotions the musicians feel while they are playing. It was just really inspiring to see such passionate people play. After the trip, I've find myself actually wanting to play for fun. Not practicing, but playing for fun as well.

As for our performance, I thought we did pretty kickass! Our program(song list), took many months to perfect. We probably got all of our music like a little bit into the start of the school year. After our performance, someone from the ISO came up to Mr. Torns our director and told him something along the lines of " That was the best highschool band I have ever heard". It felt so good to perform something that you've worked so hard for. Mr Torns was also really proud of u s. The performance also was different from every other performance I've had. Since they were gonna make DVD's of our performance, there was a live action camera like, flying around the stage, zooming in on soloists and other people haha. We're all still waiting for those dvd's, its been like almost 2 months!

After our performance, the rest of our trip was pretty much free time. One of my favorite nights was the student social haha. It was a dance with all the bands that were attending. There were alot of awkward people I'd have to say haha, but I got to meet a couple people from California who were in the National Honor Orchestra. The other days, everyone had free time at the mall. The mall over there was pretty regular. I was surprised to see a Pacific Sunwear there haha, but I wasn't surprised that it didnt really have that much good stuff. The rest of our nights were spent watching tv. I watched Borat for the first time too one night haha, funny ass movie. Another interesting thing about the trip was that, our hotel was connected to every other nearby hotel and so was the mall. Basically, because of the cold weather, or other reasons, each building had a walkway or tunnel that lead to the building right next to it or even across the street, so we hardly had to walk in the sidewalks.

If our band had the chance to go to Indianapolis again, I would mos def go without any hesitation. Its crazy how fast that time went by, from the f irst time we looked at the music to the time our plane landed back in San Diego. That seems to be the case with almost everything. In the whole preparation process, I probably faced the most stress I've ever faced before, faced the worst rehearsals, faced a huge amount of criticism on my playing, and with all it feels like forever. But once its over, you realize how fast it went by, and also how much you miss it. Honestly, all those hours of rehearsals and practice and stress was worth it. I know how cliche that sounds, but I'm being completely honest! The main thing that I got from this whole trip is to do whatever you do with passion, and the things you are passionate about, stay passionate about it. okay well i think i've said enough (especially for all the non-bandos haha) but yeah. One of the best trips of my life!